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Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Best/Worst Commercials While Watching Hockey

I've been meaning to do something like this for a long time now and since I've got the time, I'm doing it. With the Super Bowl coming up on Sunday, commercials are starting to be on everyone's mind.

With that said, I felt compelled to talk a little about some of the best and worst commercials on television before the big game. I must credit Gopher for this idea which stemmed from a recent conversation where a vein in my forehead nearly exploded while watching the number one hated commercial below.

Let's take a look at the worst ones to begin with. Note the spiffy links to the actual commercials. I care that much about you all to force the good and the bad on you, enjoy.

Worst 5

#5 - Head On - There's not much to say about the commercials for Head On. Here's a quick synopsis.

Head On Apply Directly To The Forehead, Head On Apply Directly To The Forehead, Head On Apply Directly To The Forehead, Head On Apply Directly To The Forehead,Head On Apply Directly To The Forehead, Head On Apply Directly To The Forehead, Head On Apply Directly To The Forehead, Head On Apply Directly To The Forehead, Head On Apply Directly To The Forehead, Head On Apply Directly To The Forehead, Head On Apply Directly To The Forehead.

If that doesn't explain why these ads are terrible, I don't know what does.

#4 - ASPCA - I might be on thin ice for even saying this is a bad commercial, but the ASPCA ad featuring Sarah McLaughlin needs to go off the air A.S.A.P.

Don't get me wrong, I like cats and dogs and think anyone who abuses them (Michael Vick) deserve everything that's coming to them, (Don't drop the soap Mike). Anyway, this ad had no chance with me from the opening frame. I'm not a big fan of pop music at all and have seen better try-outs gone wrong on American Idol than her. If you like her music, good for you. I don't and it's my blog and there's a comments section for a reason.

Problem number 2? If you watch closely, the same two ASPCA members are in every shot of an animal being rescued. This got me thinking and here's what I came up with. There is no way they could put a disclaimer up of "No animals were hurt while filming this." The whole thing was staged and they planted the cute kitties and puppies in those "squalid" conditions to make you and I feel bad and then open our wallets.

This isn't meant as a knock on the ASPCA, I think they are a wonderful organization and do great things for animals. I just don't like the commercial.

#3 - New York Instant Lottery - This ad for the new scratch ticket game called Bada Bling

At first I was OK with the rapping and such, but come on. The stereotypical Italian mob men singing "Bada Bling" like your best buddy who stutters when he talks to women? Brutal. The first time I saw this, I just looked on in awe of how pathetic this was and then had trouble sleeping because I couldn't get that jingle out of my head.

#2 - Jeep Liberty - I've got a great idea on how to make this commercial for the Jeep Liberty epic.

You mean to tell me that the coyote that magically ends up in the backseat and has that bird in its mouth, wouldn't eat the bird? Please, it's a friggen coyote. I'm sure it could use a small snack before the main course. What's on the menu for the main course you ask? The driver who started singing "Rock Me Gently" to begin with.

Just picture it, coyote blasts through the back window, glass flies everywhere. He swallows the bird whole, lets out a bellowing howl, then peaks his head around the seat and gives a menacing smile to the annoying driver. Driver freaks out and tries to stop the car to get out and run as the coyote jumps in his lap and tears him to pieces. Sounds pretty graphic right? I'd watch it 100 times in a row just to erase this garbage from my mind.

#1 - IO Digital Cable - There are very few things in this world that have annoyed me as much as this commercial for the IO Digital Cable Triple Play

Where do I even begin with this one? I'll admit it, at first I thought this was a catchy even borderline cool commercial until every channel around here decided it would be a grand idea to play it at every commercial break 24 hours a day. If you think I'm kidding and you live or are planning on visiting the N.Y. area, watch CBS, NBC, ABC, or Fox for 2 hours. You will see this as at least 5 times and you won't think it's wonderful anymore.

It's gotten to the point where I start tapping and humming this around the house. My darling girlfriend has even picked up the phone a couple of times to call the men in white coats to take me away. Even she is at her wits end with this. If you work for this company or know someone who does, PLEASE TAKE THIS OFF THE AIR FOR GOOD. Put a commercial of a penguin quacking on a phone next to a computer for all I care. Anything is better than this.

Now that I've gotten that out of my system, let's get on with the good commercials.

Best 5

#5 - Budweiser - Going a little retro with this pick, but it's a timeless classic remake of the WAZZUP! ads by changing to What are you doing?

The commercial is funny from beginning to end and I'm especially a fan of the two guys from the original ads sitting on the couch at the end. My college suite-mate for three years, Bricks, could have been one of the "What are you doing?" guys hands down. Boy did we have fun with him in those three years, but I digress maybe in another post.

#4 - Geico - I'm not currently insured by Geico, but there have been very few of these commercials I haven't laughed at.

I will admit the cavemen ads from the link got a bit old, especially "Tina's here. We're getting back together." With that said, here's why it makes the list. I cannot remember any ad campaign that spawned a television show as awful as "Cavemen." If you know of any, please let me know, but the fact that these commercials became a television show deserves some credit. Congrats Geico.

#3 - Umbro - Breaking the rules a little with this one, but Umbro knocks this one out of the park.

Wait for it...

Now that you've seen the ad, you can appreciate the "out of the park" line. This would be a guy our friends at the ASPCA would go after had this been a real event, but I still think they should have put the "No animals were harmed.." disclaimer on it just to be safe.

Just had this conversation with Gopher:

Me: Umbro ad is number three on the list.

Gopher: The Umbro ad is my favorite ever, especially because I threaten to drop kick small dogs like that. Plus, the fact that he put it into the upper right corner of the bus station making the old lady poop herself just scratches me right where I itch.

#2 - Stanley Steemer - If any of you have a dog, this ad for Stanley Steemer will make you laugh.

I have personally never owned a dog, but many friends and other family members have. Seeing the dog drag his butt on the carpet makes me laugh every time. Combine that with the stepford wife mother screaming at the dog and it's instant gold.

I'm pretty sure if my cat Max every tried doing this same thing, I'd be hosing him down while laughing hysterically. How could you not?

#1 - Amp Energy Drink - If you were waiting for the NHL reference in this blog, here it is with the new Amp Energy Drink commercial.

The first time I saw this ad I nearly fell out of my chair when Ryan Miller went foreign on J.S. Aubin. This brought back many memories of the school yard growing up and watching Aubin when he was with the Penguins. I'm not going to clutter this blog with my personal feelings about which team I follow, but I will say as a Pens fan I was happy when Aubin left the 'Burgh. I'd seen that red light come on behind him far too many times and this commercial became that much funnier as a result.

This is a genius commercial if for no other reason than people love goalie fights. Who doesn't remember where they were when Dan Cloutier went nuts on Tommy Salo and then offered to take on the entire Islander bench? I was in my living room screaming for my father to come witness one of the greatest goalie fights ever.

Looking back on this endeavor, I had a lot of fun putting this together. If you have any suggestions of your own let me know and I'll throw something else together. Maybe a fan's top 10? Let me know and thanks for reading.


Anonymous said...

You need to throw some YouTube links of these commercials up on your blog or something.

sheashu said...

All the commercials that are discussed have links within the text to youtube videos.